An Empty Space

Yesterday afternoon while Laney went in Brookshire's I played with Josey in Laney's back seat - she's getting more and more charming. She now takes her pacifier out with her little hand and then puts it back,and she has such a look of "See what I can do now" that it is so cute! LaterI took a wind chime and a stand for it to hang from, to Daddy's grave, 20 years after I sat with him dying. It seems so odd to me that where he was is now an empty space, but it's such an incredibly empty space, it's strange that emptiness can hurt. I talked with Chuck Cummings for a bit last night - it's nice to have good friends to laugh with.

20 years ago late this afternoon Daddy died. The years have flown in some ways, and in others it seems like forever since we lost him. I wish he could have enjoyed his granddaughters longer, and that they could have enjoyed him longer too, and finally, that he could have seen his great-granddaughters, he'd have delighted in them. If he were still here, I doubt I'd have learned how hard it can be to borrow money, nor how to drive a tractor, or repair a broken water pipe, and lots of other things like that - but it's good that I learned those things, he'd taken care of too much too long. I think he'd be glad they know the value of a good horse and that we still have them, and he'd love how Laney feels about her dog Mo. I think he'd be delighted that Obama is president. I fear that the next 20 years will pass even more quickly and that in no time, I'll be almost 80 - something I hate to think about.

and February is a hard month

I never have liked February. Daddy's been dead 20 years this month, which makes me dislike it even more. Though I miss him so, I'm so glad he's gone. He hated the cold weather as much as me, and he'd fought the battles of not-enough-rain, hungry-cattle, hard-times, and such for a lot longer than I have, and he'd fought enoug, it was my turn. I have a calf of Mother's that couldn't stand up, so I've been bottle feeding it since Tuesday night, and it has been a real job - it took me 45 minutes this morning to get it to swallow a bit less than a cup! It's gotten stronger and can walk around, so I know it is getting somes nutrition, but I also know it hasn't gotten nearly enough! I've been doctoring Winnie the Cow's infected eye for 3 months now - Denise Easterling gave me 2 shots to give her and told me after that to try to give her 1 cup Auromycin crumbles daily - it's gotten better, but it's been a slow go. She seems to have begun to associate me with her problems and seems to blame me. Mother has ladies that feed her lunches on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (though that woman switches days at the drop of a hat) - and I try to go by each afternoon late and prepare her something for supper and leave a sandwich for the next day if that's to be a no-helper-lady day. Then weekends I try to do a bit better. I've been very tired lately, need to get my thyroid re-checked. If I could see lots of green grass, I'm sure I'd perk up.

February already!

It's hard to believe it is February already. I got to spend lots of time with Laney & Josey on Saturday - doesn't Josey look good in animal print! She had an animal print cradle sheet, so I think she'll probably always favorite that. Her mother looks gorgeous here too, probably because she's so happy. Thank God it rained last night. I went to Midway last night and played with Riley - we made snickerdoodle cookies, and I got to meet Monica/Bacula the pig, precious! Riley and I are making plans for a summer beach trip.